Thinking?

Posted in

justification.

So I'm thinking about going home earlier than planned. This isn't a rant against the industry. No this is just a rant about... my personal life.

I haven't hit some creative wall or anything. In fact, I think my images are getting better. Other photogs, good ones, are saying they like my stuff. Its strong. One guy even called me a "big ass!" for getting all the bang-bang snaps while he was locked away at the Hamra.

What this boils down to is this: a job denial. I applied for a shooter's gig at Army Times. I thought with my experience covering conflict, not to mention my background, I would get it. Wrong. I just got word they offered the gig to someone else.

Why does that simply make me change my mind? Simple. I haven't made one cent from my photos. In fact, I have made barely any money. If it wasn't for the occasional radio gig and embedding, I would be broke.

What is the point of being here if I'm not making any dinars? How can I justify doing this if I'm risking my limb and life? I can't.

Don't get me wrong, I like the job. No, I love the job. There is a line though of when its worth it or not. I am fast approaching that line. This job denial did it for me.

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